Tag: How can I cope with my feelings after the death of my loved one

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Learning to live with death

I came across an article on the BBC website recently on the difficulties of a loss.

When Sophie Townsend’s husband, Russell, died in 2012 she was overcome with grief, but as the mother of two young children she had to keep going. She describes the new life she began at the age of 39, a single parent and widow slowly “re-entering the world” – and becoming OK.

We all will suffer a loss of a loved one in our lives and the first time this happens can be the most destabilising. The loss and the feeling of emptiness can leave us in a time warp for many months. It’s ok to be a mess ….for a while, at least. It’s an old cliche but as most old cliche’s are true so is the fact that your loved and missed ones would not want you sitting around moping, feeling sad and not living your live to the fullest.

How to draw a line in the sand? Well, a good start is to let yourself be vulnerable. Masking the issue with denial or alcohol will only delay the grieving process – speaking to friends and family openly and honestly on how you’re feeling will lift the weight from your shoulders and is a lot healthier than a few bottles of Bordeaux.

A trip to Bordeaux or anywhere you have always wanted to travel is a good idea. Getting out of your immediate environment to experience a new place reminds you that life is worth living. If not travel doing what you love and setting goals will help to remind you that life is worth living.

It is possible to let go and at the same time cherish the memories of your loved one. Once ready, and only when you’re ready, make a plan what to do with the ashes rather than having them sit in the bottom of the cupboard in that ‘ugly plastic container’ or nondescript urn. There is a number of possibilities now with everything from ashes into space or scattering the ashes in a rose garden. Memorialjewelleryae have a range of beautiful pendants holding a token amount of ashes to keep your loved ones close to your heart at all times. And It is now possible to create a diamond from your loved ones ashes with Algordanza setting the standard and the only cremation diamond company allowing visits before purchasing as they understand the need for openness and integrity when dealing with cremation ashes.

?The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ?get over? the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss that you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same. Nor would you want too.? ? Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

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Effects of Grief & Overcoming it

There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. Laurel K Hamilton

An enquiry for an Algordanza memorial diamond from Janet Jones has lead to an upcoming radio interview on UK health radio with Janet who is the host of The Good Grief Conversation, www.thegoodgriefconversation.com.  With her podcasts, Janet takes you on an inspiring journey, with authors, healers, psychologists, scientists and more.                                                                                                     
After suffering personal loss Janet understands the importance of dealing with grief, when good and ready too, and in your own way.

Common physical symptoms of grief may include a hollow feeling in your stomach, a tightness in the chest or throat, oversensitivity to noise, feeling tired and weak, a lack of energy, change in eating and sleeping patterns ansd aches and pains. ?Most of these side effects are the result of emotional distress responses,? explains Dr. Maureen Malin, a geriatric psychiatrist with Harvard-affiliated McLean Hospital.

Picking up the pieces

It may seem impossible to think about maintaining good health when it?s difficult to simply get through each day. But Dr. Malin says it?s okay to just go through the motions at first (fake it until you make it).

  • That may mean walking for five minutes every day, and then gradually increasing the amount of time you walk.
  • And even if you don?t feel like eating, go ahead and eat three healthy meals per day anyway. Your body needs calories to function, even if you?re not hungry. Eating too little may add to fatigue.
  • And don?t forget about social connections, which are crucial to good health. Stay in touch with friends and loved ones. Try to get out of your house and spend time with others, even if it?s to talk about your grief.

On a personal level i have been to Death Cafe meetups in London https://deathcafe.com/ to talk about death, and life, in a relaxed and open setting. Their objective is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’. A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.

What is important is coming to terms with loss at your own pace and own way and also understanding your missed ones

What I hope to achieve with offering Algordanza memorial diamonds and my own memorial jewellery business memorialjewelleryae.co.uk is keeping a connection with your loved ones as it is often stated by most people “sorry for your loss” and it is that feeling of losing someone. A diamond made purely from your loved ones ashes set in a pendant keeping them close to your heart or a stunning diamond ring where you see and feel their presence is lovingly reassuring. As is our range of beautiful pendants holding a small amount of cremation ashes keeping your loved ones close at all times.

Poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.